Does someone blame you for how they feel or act?
Do you sometimes feel scared of how your partner may behave?
Anyone can be a victim of domestic violence, regardless of age, race, gender, sexual orientation, faith or class.
Abuse is a pattern of behaviour in any relationship to gain or maintain power and control over an intimate partner. Abuse is physical, sexual, emotional, economic or psychological actions or threats of actions that influence another person.
This includes any behaviours that frighten, intimidate, terrorize, manipulate, hurt, humiliate, blame, injure, or wound someone.
It can occur within a range of relationships including couples who are married, living together or dating.
Statistics show that 1 in every three women are a victim of abuse. Are you one of them?
The abusive person is an emotional trickster. They don’t reveal their true Colours at first. They will make you feel wanted, loved and protected. Once they knock through your protective outer layer, they then see that you are vulnerable as you start to open up and respond to their lovingness. ….. You are by now lulled into a false sense of security. You are sensitive to their opinions and responses. You’re happy and it shows.
Then the abuser starts to slowly but surely take control of your happiness. …An angry word or action, that alarms you, the victim. Only they quickly bury this side to them. Making you feel like they never meant to upset you. You forgive them, doubt yourself for being too much this or not enough that.
This is the start of the control, they see that they can pick you up and let you down and then it escalates. They see you happy and at ease, They can see how other people attract to your confidence. Then their anger shows through and you are left feeling doubtful about yourself. Wondering how you could have made this person so angry and upset.
Until in the end, the abuser sees how vulnerable you are. Then the aggression shows through more and more. Until in the end, you can’t see how you have changed. How your circle of friends have narrowed down. How you see less of them and your family too. As you become and more focused on keeping the abusive person happy.
Until in the end, the abuse has gone up a notch as time has gone on. The anger turns to the physical and this is the point that you are unaware of what is happening …. After all, why would you believe that this person who at the beginning was the person you loved so much. You wonder how they could change so much. So then you believe that it’s your fault and that you are making them angry and violent. As they never were like this.
The first physical impact is met by a huge shower of “sorry ‘s” and I” love you “ and maybe gifts. They make you feel as though you had said or done something that annoyed them.
You change and your vibrant personality becomes less and less. You have bruises and you have pain from the beatings. You hide your shame away and you deny and protect them from others knowing how they are treating you.
Friends and family become concerned and try to see how you have changed. They see a mark or a bruise on you and get upset.
You deny the physical violence, you don’t want to see these concerned loved ones anymore.
You even believe your abuser, when they convince you that they are jealous of you and want to break you both up.
You fail to see how this much you have shrunk as a person. You are now reliant on the abuser, The emotional up and downs and the roller coaster of pain and tears and dependency.
No one knows you better than the abuser.
It’s hard to leave it’s hard to walk away and it’s just as hard to stay away too.
So don’t believe a victim of the abuse has a simple option to just up and leave. There are so many things that ruin an abused person outlook.
Don’t judge but instead support them.
Always remember. …YOU ARE NOT ALONE
NO ONE deserves to be abused. The abuse is not your fault.
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